When you reach for daddy

His eyelids droop. He looks off at his toys from the comfort of mama's arms. He just can't muster the the energy to walk toward them. It would take a machine to pull his beloved pacifier out of his mouth. The warmth I feel is more than the typical body heat that rises from some mommy/son cuddle time. My sweet pea is sick.

This is his first fever. And it sucks. I'm thankful it's taken 14 months for him to get his first fever, but I'm still aching watching him ache. 

I also feel this extreme power when he seems comforted by my touch. He looks up and reaches his arms toward me. He wants his mama. 

Until daddy comes in. 

I love my career. I can't imagine not working. My schedule is also great for our son. I stay with him in the mornings and then my husband who works part time has the afternoons and evenings with him. I spend a lot of time with our son, but my husband is with him more. 

Over the last few days, more often than not, our toddler wants to cuddle with daddy. Sure there are mommy moments too and when daddy is not around, he's beyond comfortable to just have me. But when he reaches for daddy, I can't help but feel a little guilt. 

I push it down. I think, "daddy has more surface area. I would choose to cuddle with him too." "Daddy is sillier and sometimes it's nice to have a big smiley face when you're not feeling well." "Daddy always gives more treats and who doesn't like sugar - sick or healthy." 

But the truth is, my son loves and wants his daddy. 

And when I toss my ego aside and start looking at life through my child's eyes, I realize how amazing that is. 

I may feel envious when my son puts his arms in daddy's direction, but I hope he never sees that tinge of jealousy. And that's on me. It is my job to turn those feelings around and realize how lucky I am. We, working moms, can balance career, family, friends, sanity. But we need help. And we need to appreciate that help.

Sometimes my son reaches for daddy. I couldn't be more thankful he has a daddy to reach for, a daddy whose arms are always open.