Life translated by a pregnant person
I get it. We have hormones that are off the charts weird. We have a tiny being that looks like a tadpole, then an alien, then an itty bitty human growing inside of us while siphoning food, drink and I'm not sure what else. Our bodies are ebbing and flowing in a way that does not make sense. Everything seems to be popping out: my stomach, belly button, acne, boobs, I hear some ladies' feet grow. But what I'm about to talk about has nothing to do with a pregnant woman's perception or a pregnant woman's brain. It has everything to do with erybody else.
What you say to a pregnant person: "Wow! Are you sure there is just one baby in there?"
What we, pregnant people, hear: "Oh wow!! Move out of the way! Shamu is coming through. Could you get any bigger?!?" I realize this is always said in a manner where the person is trying to show empathy toward the pregnant person. Bad move. Just back away slowly. Now you made hormonal Shamu angry.
What you say: "I see you got Starbucks. I bet that baby is kicking today."
What we, pregnant people, hear: "Why are you trying to do permanent damage to your child? Caffeine
is a no no."
What you say: "You look great! I couldn't even tell you're pregnant."
What we, pregnant people, hear: "You don't look pregnant, you just look like you've put on some pounds." Cuz let's face it, my scale and clothes aren't lying. So if you think I don't look pregnant, you've definitely been wondering if I've been eating too many DQ blizzards. Oh yeah, I have.
What you say: "Are you planning on getting an epidural?"
What we, pregnant people, hear: "If you can't have a child naturally you obviously aren't a real woman."
What you say: "Are you planning on delivering without an epidural?"
What we, pregnant people, hear; "Girl, you're crazy! What's wrong with you?"
What you say: "We should hang out!"
What we, pregnant people, hear (especially in 3rd trimester): "I would like to make you shower, get ready and be nice to people in a space that is not your bed or couch."
What you say: "You've got that glow. I'm not sure what it is. There's definitely something different in your face. I could tell."
What we, pregnant people, here: "Your acne is really noticeable, and I think you're already bloating. Oh yeah, you look REEEEALLY tired too."
I remember compiling some thoughts after pregnancy number one. I then had an ah-ha moment and told my husband, "I'm going to write a book about things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman." His response, "that's gonna be a short book and it'll go something like this, 'Things not to say to a pregnant woman: everything. Don't say a thing. They'll interpret it wrong.'" Maybe there is something to be said for the hormonal changes...nah...we're right, the rest of the world is crazy. :-)
What you say to a pregnant person: "Wow! Are you sure there is just one baby in there?"
What we, pregnant people, hear: "Oh wow!! Move out of the way! Shamu is coming through. Could you get any bigger?!?" I realize this is always said in a manner where the person is trying to show empathy toward the pregnant person. Bad move. Just back away slowly. Now you made hormonal Shamu angry.
What you say: "I see you got Starbucks. I bet that baby is kicking today."
What we, pregnant people, hear: "Why are you trying to do permanent damage to your child? Caffeine
is a no no."
What you say: "You look great! I couldn't even tell you're pregnant."
What we, pregnant people, hear: "You don't look pregnant, you just look like you've put on some pounds." Cuz let's face it, my scale and clothes aren't lying. So if you think I don't look pregnant, you've definitely been wondering if I've been eating too many DQ blizzards. Oh yeah, I have.
What you say: "Are you planning on getting an epidural?"
What we, pregnant people, hear: "If you can't have a child naturally you obviously aren't a real woman."
What you say: "Are you planning on delivering without an epidural?"
What we, pregnant people, hear; "Girl, you're crazy! What's wrong with you?"
What you say: "We should hang out!"
What we, pregnant people, hear (especially in 3rd trimester): "I would like to make you shower, get ready and be nice to people in a space that is not your bed or couch."
What you say: "You've got that glow. I'm not sure what it is. There's definitely something different in your face. I could tell."
What we, pregnant people, here: "Your acne is really noticeable, and I think you're already bloating. Oh yeah, you look REEEEALLY tired too."
I remember compiling some thoughts after pregnancy number one. I then had an ah-ha moment and told my husband, "I'm going to write a book about things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman." His response, "that's gonna be a short book and it'll go something like this, 'Things not to say to a pregnant woman: everything. Don't say a thing. They'll interpret it wrong.'" Maybe there is something to be said for the hormonal changes...nah...we're right, the rest of the world is crazy. :-)
