Midlife crisising

I found a draft for a blog entry. It just had the title "Midlife crisising" and the text: "Now is the time."

I wrote it on 1/6/20. A day before my 39th birthday. I came back to this week ahead of turning 40 with the same topic on my mind. Midlife crisising. I made it a verb. 

I'm not sure how I was going to start with "now is the time" but I think it was this. 

I was going to say, recently, I've become well aware that I'm not getting younger. Obvious, you say. But some of you may know what I mean when I say I've become well aware of it. And I don't mean I feel it with a mix of dread and fear or regret. I mean the opposite. I feel it with hope and optimism and excitement. 

But wait. 

What's that? A tick? 

It's faint, but it's there. 

A subtle reminder of time passing. A subtle hint of a tick to tell me now is the time to pursue those things that bring me joy. Now is better than later. Now is guaranteed. 

At first I was a bit bummed when I saw I started an article a year ago. What do I have to show after having that thought on my brain for 365 days, I wondered. A whole lot, I realized. Because the older I get the more I understand that your circumstances don't need to change for your perspective and purpose to become clearer. Sure, I was someone who once saw myself moving at least every six years, and now I'm here in virtually the same job, in the same house, in the same city. But that's okay because this year, more than any year before, has reminded me that I am thankful for all the choices I have made. 

So this is 40. A more self-assured, not perfect person who is striving to keep improving on the inside. And if changes outside me are needed, I realize, there's no better time than now to make them happen. Now is the time to live my best life.