My toddler is tortured, just ask her

I have come to conclude my toddler believes she is being tortured...multiple times a day. Do not let that her adorable smile fool you, she is a stinker through and through. And my actions evoke blood-curdling screams. Worse yet, the delayed cry. Parents, you know. Something happens, you think, everything's good I hear no sound. Then you check the face. It is changing to three shades of red then purple, eyes are squeezed tight, so tight they seem to be ringing water from them. Oh tears. Those are tears. The mouth is open, but again, no sound. Wait. Oh yeah. It's coming. It had simply been building. Now that the scream has been collected, it can be released in all its glory. It is the worst sound. You feel helpless, you feel guilty, you feel like a bad parent. You wrack your brain, how did we get here? Oh yeah, I tried to put her sandals on without socks.

This morning my daughter seemed to suggest I was torturing her four different times. All before 10 a.m.

1) Dreadful Diaper. Lately I sweat while changing diapers. Why? Have you ever tried wrestling someone without sweating? It's exhausting. She despises having her diaper changed. Sometimes we can go with a calm change if there's sleepiness and a sippy cup or her favorite word "bah-uhl" (bottle) involved. It's a sippy cup, but we call it a bottle to try to trick her since she likes those better. She also doesn't mind the standing up change. That's typically doable, but gravity is a real beatch when #2 is involved.

2) Contemptuous Clothing. As soon as you think, I've done it, I have her diaper on, we're okay, we might be able to leave the house, you realize I have to now get her dressed. She also despises this. Home girl just really wants to live her life naked. I cringe thinking about her later years.

3)  Sinful Sandals. One of the few distractions that works to get my toddler dressed is to show her socks. She loves them. She tries to put them on as I sneakily stick arms through arm holes and legs into pants. I thought we had turned a corner. Then. Summer! "No baby girl, you don't need socks, these are called sandals." Tears. Throws sandals. My internal monologue: screw fashion rules, she's wearing socks with sandals. Then I find myself hearing advice tucked deep in my brain. I picture my child living her life never hearing the word no. She becomes unlovable, unhireable
and unstable. No, we can't have that. I'm in charge. I said, no socks. Shoot, I'm sweating again.

4) Confining Car Seat. Listen. I kinda get this. I don't think I'd enjoy a car seat either. However, the little cutie pie loves her car seat once we're moving, but getting her in the darn thing is insane. She stands up and makes herself as stiff as a board as you try to coax her to sit and bend. Typically this too involves diversion techniques. Toys, snacks, bah-uhl, whatever it takes!

I likely did other awful things throughout the day, but this was a pretty quality hour stretch.

To the parents who have "easy" children, don't judge, because you never know when your child may enter a phase or, better yet, your next child could be waaaaaay different than your first.

To single people who don't understand why parents look wrecked all the time, and why they sometimes seem to give in to their children, give them a break. It's hard. And to people who want to tell me I should appreciate these moments, please consider that advice already received. I love and savor time with my children with all my heart and know this window in life flies by too quickly, but I also would be just fine if we could get out the door with no tears, screams or perspiration.