The perception of perfection
"This one is my favorite!," my husband chuckles while scrolling through his phone. He tosses over the device. On the screen is a photo of three blurry people. The youngest is blurry because she's running toward the photo even though she was not to be featured in this photo. The 3-year-old is blurry because "I don't wanna picsir." He's trying to escape from me. And we're all a little out of focus because my husband is a poor photographer. He admits this. He also says I have high standards because I know some really talented photographers in my profession. Probably true. I say it's because he couldn't care less. Also probably true. He is many wonderful things but #InstaHusband may not be one of them.
After we frantically try to snap the world's most perfect photo with bad lighting and negative-5 minutes before we have to leave, he always likes to pull up the photos that show me looking frustrated and the kids appearing exhausted. Normally I look back and laugh at them too. But not in that moment. Because in that moment, I'm trying to capture something specific.
We may know there are photos on the cutting room floor, but we keep those below our line of sight. We picture the ones in front of us, the ones that have magic filters of perfection.
Perhaps you only want to see the rose-colored images, but on those days when you just can't, those days when you want to know you're not alone, picture the dozens of duds still sitting on the phone. They may not make the cut, but they probably tell a much more complete story.
After we frantically try to snap the world's most perfect photo with bad lighting and negative-5 minutes before we have to leave, he always likes to pull up the photos that show me looking frustrated and the kids appearing exhausted. Normally I look back and laugh at them too. But not in that moment. Because in that moment, I'm trying to capture something specific.
This goes against nearly everything I've been taught, by the way. I work in TV news. We pride ourselves on capturing the candidness of people. We want to see them doing, acting, being as if there was no one there documenting it.
Not on Insta, baby. On Insta, families appear in front of backdrops that seem to coordinate with their outfits. Their children wear white linen while gazing at their parents or each other. Someone just said something funny. Perfection. Yet the caption talks about a recent tribulation at the airport or an illness a child is still fighting. The words attempt to tell a story that invite us into their lives. They trick us into believing this moment is authentic and not pre-conceived. We look back at the photo. Is it possible? Yes, we think for a moment or more, this family once again defied our reality of parenthood, marriage and life.
In truth I don't have a huge problem with it because I love great photos, and I've benefited from the hard work done by "influencers" many times. I've been able to click on their flawless outfits and buy their shoes with a few clicks. If you truly look at what they're doing you see they work very hard and are nearly always camera-ready. But I still keep hearing people say things like, "they have the best lives" "#marriagegoals" "I just wish we could travel more like so and so." And then when something goes wrong "do you know what happened to them, they always seemed so happy on social media?"
Not on Insta, baby. On Insta, families appear in front of backdrops that seem to coordinate with their outfits. Their children wear white linen while gazing at their parents or each other. Someone just said something funny. Perfection. Yet the caption talks about a recent tribulation at the airport or an illness a child is still fighting. The words attempt to tell a story that invite us into their lives. They trick us into believing this moment is authentic and not pre-conceived. We look back at the photo. Is it possible? Yes, we think for a moment or more, this family once again defied our reality of parenthood, marriage and life.
In truth I don't have a huge problem with it because I love great photos, and I've benefited from the hard work done by "influencers" many times. I've been able to click on their flawless outfits and buy their shoes with a few clicks. If you truly look at what they're doing you see they work very hard and are nearly always camera-ready. But I still keep hearing people say things like, "they have the best lives" "#marriagegoals" "I just wish we could travel more like so and so." And then when something goes wrong "do you know what happened to them, they always seemed so happy on social media?"
We may know there are photos on the cutting room floor, but we keep those below our line of sight. We picture the ones in front of us, the ones that have magic filters of perfection.
