Monday, February 13, 2017

He got the bananas

That was a rough one.

My husband and I are a solid team. We have each other's back. When you move to a city where you know no one and have no family and then double the number of people in your family, your marriage can go through some ups and downs. We recently hit a down.

I don't say this to scare anyone, but going from one kid to two creates unique challenges. I seriously need to find a way to create 28-hour days. 24 is stupid. 24 hours was obviously designed by a person who wasn't a working mom, wife, person who desperately just wants to watch an hour of Shameless every couple nights without losing a full hour of sleep and then wake up the next day and get a workout in without cutting into her precious family time. Mr. 24 Hours In A Day doesn't get it.

Last week I was feeling a little extra sorry for myself. I like to take on a lot of challenges, but again, I just need four more hours a day. Every day last week I seemed surprised the day hadn't gotten longer. My husband got the brunt of me being a tornado. "I need to be a better wife. I'm failing as a mom. I have so much other work I'd like to do." It was a rant like this that my husband played back to me. A moment of feeling too overwhelmed.

I wanted more support in the way I wanted it. He wanted me to be lighter with my life outlook.

As I got ready for work one day, I started writing down stuff that needed to get done and groceries we needed. I wrote down bananas. The list was a bit of an out-of-body experience. I just jotted things down as I thought of them while carrying a toddler and a baby at the same time because the toddler thinks it's cool to say, "mama. both."

My husband and I still felt distant. He went to bed early that night. He had to head out of town early the next morning. We typically always hang out for a bit when I get home around 11:30-midnight. We hadn't talked much.

As I passed through the kitchen I saw the bananas sitting in our fruit basket. I hadn't asked him to get the items on the list. They weren't even that important. But he did. I pictured him at night while I was at work with both kids in tow, stopping at the store to pick up a couple things. He likely looked at each kid before walking into the store and assessed if either was a ticking time bomb. Would they hold off long enough for him to pick up some fruit? Maybe it went smoothly. Maybe it was rough. But he did it.

He didn't double check with me first. He just did it.

I wanted support. I got it.

And that was my wake up call. My teammate was there for me. I needed to let him know and check back into the game. We had a wonderful weekend together.

So this Valentine's Day, I don't expect candy or flowers (I accidentally took his keys to work so he probably couldn't get them if he wanted to), but I'm incredibly thankful I have someone who catches me when I unexpectedly do a trust fall.