9 ways my toddler acts more dog than human
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.
But if that saying is true, I think my toddler is a dog.
1) The dog crate is a place of wonderment. My toddler has dozens of toys. Soft ones, singing ones, standing ones, toys you push, toys you throw, toys you climb on, they blink, they beep, they buzz. He has baskets full of sensory-stimulating objects in every room of our home. Yet his new favorite toy is the dog crate. He climbs in it. He climbs out of it. He opens the door. He giggles uncontrollable as he closes the door. (I, however, cannot close the door. Obviously that evokes tears. Obviously.) There is no place he'd rather be. I think he dreams about the dog crate.
2) The best way to get food is to beg for it. My dog and son are on a joint mission to acquire food. I think they've had secret meetings to discuss Operation Food. They've probably hidden secret, drop-off notes for each other in the crate! These notes likely share tips for getting food. A plan of action might read as such: "While the bigger humans on two legs are eating, go up to them, make your eyes as big as possible, open your mouth ever-so slightly, and STARE! Not working? Feel free to implement a whimper. It also might help to touch the human."
3) Dog food is delicious. I can turn my back for a second, and my son has his head down and is in bee-line, speed-crawl mode to the dog food dish. Of all the food in the house, he believes this is the food that should be coveted most. Dog food is disgusting! He can't really have such poorly formed taste buds, can he? (Reminder for later: maybe I should start putting vegetables on the floor. I might have more success.)
4) Why walk? My 13-month-old still won't walk. It is quite obvious that he can. He will stand on his own and sometimes we see him shuffle but this is typically accidental and when he notices what he's doing, he falls to the ground and crawls. I think he's observed how we move and how the animal moves, and he's chosen the dog way.
5) Water bottles are toys. Awesome toys. I can be in another room, and within minutes of picking up a water bottle I have both the dog and toddler cruising toward me. My thumb makes a slight crinkling indent and that's all it takes to summon the critters. They both want it. They want to crush it, they want to chew it, they can't even explain why they want it. They just want it now!
6) Everything is a choking hazard because everything goes in the pie hole. Most humans know that it's simply not pleasant to put things like plastic in our mouths. It's not just plastic though. It's everything. Dogs seem to use their mouths as alternatives to having hands. It's how they feel and assess what something is. Toddlers agree. Why look at something and grasp it with your hands when you can send it straight into the mouth.
7) Toy cleanup is unnecessary. Last night as I was waking up in the middle of the night to tend to a crying toddler I kicked a toy that started blinking and singing at me in the dark hallway. Two steps later I practically tripped and fell on a dog toy. I can clean up dog and toddler toys seven times a day, and yet I'll find them when I least expect it, ready to ruin my route.
8) Sounds work just fine. Both my toddler and dog can't form proper words, but they sure can whimper/cry or bark/scream. They do not seem interested in learning other ways to communicate. They believe these effectively do the trick. And they're right. My husband can be talking and talking and talking, and all I get is blah blah blah NBA blah blah blah South Park blah blah blah. Yet when the little ones (dog and toddler) make their noises, my ears perk, my head tilts, and I am ready to assess the situation and help.
9) Go ahead, poo away. Most humans have to put a little bit of thought, effort, planning, even patience into bathroom stuff. Not the dog or the toddler. Perfect strangers can be walking past and the pup just decides now is a good time and place to let it go. The tot can be in the middle of playing, sleeping, eating and his face scrunches up as he lets out a little grunt. I mean, c'mon. They do their business and then just expect one of the big humans will come clean it up. And we do! There's no effort to be more like us. He is completely comfortable in this dog-like way.
And I gotta say, when I look at the life our dog leads, I start to think, maybe I would choose that too. We'll see if my son heads to the human side, but at this point he seems to have it made as a human puppy.
5) Water bottles are toys. Awesome toys. I can be in another room, and within minutes of picking up a water bottle I have both the dog and toddler cruising toward me. My thumb makes a slight crinkling indent and that's all it takes to summon the critters. They both want it. They want to crush it, they want to chew it, they can't even explain why they want it. They just want it now!
6) Everything is a choking hazard because everything goes in the pie hole. Most humans know that it's simply not pleasant to put things like plastic in our mouths. It's not just plastic though. It's everything. Dogs seem to use their mouths as alternatives to having hands. It's how they feel and assess what something is. Toddlers agree. Why look at something and grasp it with your hands when you can send it straight into the mouth.
7) Toy cleanup is unnecessary. Last night as I was waking up in the middle of the night to tend to a crying toddler I kicked a toy that started blinking and singing at me in the dark hallway. Two steps later I practically tripped and fell on a dog toy. I can clean up dog and toddler toys seven times a day, and yet I'll find them when I least expect it, ready to ruin my route.
9) Go ahead, poo away. Most humans have to put a little bit of thought, effort, planning, even patience into bathroom stuff. Not the dog or the toddler. Perfect strangers can be walking past and the pup just decides now is a good time and place to let it go. The tot can be in the middle of playing, sleeping, eating and his face scrunches up as he lets out a little grunt. I mean, c'mon. They do their business and then just expect one of the big humans will come clean it up. And we do! There's no effort to be more like us. He is completely comfortable in this dog-like way.
And I gotta say, when I look at the life our dog leads, I start to think, maybe I would choose that too. We'll see if my son heads to the human side, but at this point he seems to have it made as a human puppy.
