Room for the love. So much love.

Sunday conversation:

My husband: Didn't we have a list of people to text and email when Jack was born? Didn't we have a pre-written note with just blanks to fill in? Do we need that again?

Me: We'll just post it on Facebook. Second child. People will understand.

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Monday conversation:

My mom: So do you think so-and-so can help you prepare diapers and things for the baby?

Me: Diapers?

My mom: I meant bottles and other things like that.

Me: Crap. I totally forgot I'm gonna need to buy newborn diapers. What else do I need?

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The "not-my-first" child conversations are real. Most of them are pretty humorous. It's amazing how much time and energy is sucked up by child number one. And how you somehow feel both completely unprepared for baby number two and also experienced enough as a parent to tackle the chaos that will soon ensue.

That's the brain stuff. The preparation. I've sorta given into the fact that I am a little flighty this time around. It's the heart stuff that makes my brain hurt.

You see, I work. A lot. I love my career. I always wanted children, but I also always thought I could be equally fulfilled in other ways. Then my baby came along. The thought of him twists up my mind. On cue, I promise this is not made up, a second ago my phone dinged with a new text. My husband sent a pic of Jack in a grocery cart made for toddlers. He's at the wheel with the biggest grin on his face. Tears immediately welled in my eyes. 


Yes, I'm oddly emotional and pregnant, but I am also simply oddly emotional about this little boy. The child who has replaced my morning alarm clock. Instead of waking to a weird, obnoxious noise, I wake to loud yells of "Mama. Maaaaamaaaaaa. Mama?" Before the 10 p.m. newscast starts I pull up my video app to watch him fast asleep.

I don't understand where this love came from. It's sooo intense.

And somehow I'm going to find room for more of this love? How is that even possible? I know I will love this next baby just as much, but it seems impossible. I think my heart or mind or something might burst. (I'll tell you this much, I also feel like my dress might burst-but that's a different blog. 30 weeks+ pregnant is not the most comfortable I've ever been).

Back to the love. Moms and dads before me, how do you do it? Parents of 3, 4 or more kids (P.S.-you're saints) how do you do it?

I'm worried that my relationship with my husband could suffer. I'm worried my "me time" could suffer. And I'm worried my bond with that adorable toddler who can make me weep with a smile could suffer. I guess the truth is, it could. And that's most of my worry. I know the balance will fall on my shoulders. I also know there are so many mamas who have walked before me who have done an incredible job. Thank you for being an inspiration. I guess I just need to trust that as my belly gets smaller my heart/brain/whatever the heck it is that stores mama emotion will swell larger and fill with love for a person I have yet to meet.


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