There will be hills on the marriage bike ride ahead
The rain had stopped and the sun was starting to shine. It was shaping up to be a gorgeous May day in Minnesota. I was on a fabulous bike ride with my boyfriend leading the way. We started coming over a small hill when I noticed this magazine-worthy setting. A picnic table with white linen, the largest, most gorgeous flower bouquet I had ever seen, there were chocolate-covered strawberries, although I'm not sure I had seen them yet when I said, "that's beautiful." My mind, meantime, was racing with this thought: OMG, that's for me! Stay cool, don't get pissed if it's not. My boyfriend (this is the last moment he'd be called that) smirked as he turned his head and said, "it is, should we stop and check it out?"
That's where it all started. It's not where we met. It's not where we said I Do. It's where the man I would look at for the rest of my life, showed vulnerability by sobbing through a marriage proposal. It's where I said Yes.
It's where we would start our tandem ride. Seven years after that day, here are some observations about how to make the hills seem surmountable. (There will be hills).
1) I will love you even when I wish you were different. Sometimes we sit and explain our position until we're blue in the face and then finally realize it's not about re-explaining it but realizing we see it differently. Even when that happens, I promise to work to find the us in the middle of my thought and your thought. It's there. It is always there.
2) You love me most when I love me most. I'm not good at this. But, as has been said before, it's hard to love others when you're not in a good place yourself. I will work to love myself and be proud of myself. I know there is nothing you find more attractive.
3) Us before the kids. This is easier said than done and often not practical. We have toddlers. They need us. That said, our family foundation is our marriage. The kids can exist best when that foundation is strongest. Mom guilt strikes when we leave town or go on dates, but it's worth it for us because being a parent can be really tough!!
4) I am 100% to blame. You've said this to me more than once lately when I vented to you about different problems unrelated to our relationship. And you're right. In order to get in the right mindset when I face an obstacle I need to see myself as both the problem and the solution.
When riding a bike, I hate hills. I'm not someone who feels immense satisfaction after making it to the top. I ain't too proud to hop off and walk that baby up the hill. But every time I do, I see my husband at the top, cheering me on, doing everything possible to make sure I get there and don't turn around. Because we've chosen this ride for two, and we wouldn't have it any other way.
That's where it all started. It's not where we met. It's not where we said I Do. It's where the man I would look at for the rest of my life, showed vulnerability by sobbing through a marriage proposal. It's where I said Yes.
It's where we would start our tandem ride. Seven years after that day, here are some observations about how to make the hills seem surmountable. (There will be hills).
1) I will love you even when I wish you were different. Sometimes we sit and explain our position until we're blue in the face and then finally realize it's not about re-explaining it but realizing we see it differently. Even when that happens, I promise to work to find the us in the middle of my thought and your thought. It's there. It is always there.
2) You love me most when I love me most. I'm not good at this. But, as has been said before, it's hard to love others when you're not in a good place yourself. I will work to love myself and be proud of myself. I know there is nothing you find more attractive.
3) Us before the kids. This is easier said than done and often not practical. We have toddlers. They need us. That said, our family foundation is our marriage. The kids can exist best when that foundation is strongest. Mom guilt strikes when we leave town or go on dates, but it's worth it for us because being a parent can be really tough!!
4) I am 100% to blame. You've said this to me more than once lately when I vented to you about different problems unrelated to our relationship. And you're right. In order to get in the right mindset when I face an obstacle I need to see myself as both the problem and the solution.
When riding a bike, I hate hills. I'm not someone who feels immense satisfaction after making it to the top. I ain't too proud to hop off and walk that baby up the hill. But every time I do, I see my husband at the top, cheering me on, doing everything possible to make sure I get there and don't turn around. Because we've chosen this ride for two, and we wouldn't have it any other way.
