Is mom guilt still a thing?


The laugh came out of my mouth faster than my lips could even respond. Yes. A resounding yes.

A viewer who I greatly respect asked me this question, "is mom guilt even still a thing?"
It came after I posted these photos on my Instagram stories and said something along the lines of, "sometimes working-mom guilt manifests itself as a treat."

We had just gotten back from a magnificent family vacation. I took an extra day off to get back in the swing of things. But slowly, I could feel it creeping in. When we got onto the plane, a tinge. When we landed, a skosh. Guilt goo was beginning to occupy more of my mind space than I wanted. By the time we were running errands before my return to work it had bubbled over and was coming out of my mouth like this, "hey kids, do you want a treat?" I am not the type of mom who consciously tries to bribe my children or load them with sugary treats, but sometimes my thoughts on parenting don't coincide with my actions. Well, because, I'm a parent. If you have kids this makes sense unless you're an odd saint, and then you probably won't care for my ramblings. If you don't have kids or it's been a long time since you've had daily interactions with little humans, you likely fully do not understand this concept. But yes, sometimes we're better parents in our heads than in our delivery because our heads cancel out the x-factor, which is the actual child. And honey, we aren't parenting in a vacuum. There are factors up the wazoo.

So the kiddos got some cupcakes and smiled and were happy with me, and I felt a surface love I needed to feel before returning to work. It happened.

I then returned to work and put together a story I had started working on before I went on vacation. A new company in Omaha is hoping to tailor their policies in a family-focused way. One of the co-owners talked about working parttime with her baby in the office. She had a pack n' play. She breastfed while reading emails. It seemed quite nice. Great viewer response too. A lot of people thought it seemed quite nice.

But then the one.

The one comment that knocked me down a bit. A man wrote, "Just how much longer do we have to pretend that women are equal to men? SERIOUSLY!" My heart started beating faster, my hands got sweaty, my inner voice said, 'relax, it's a troll.' Then I looked down to see my sweet, little girl. And I got sad. I commented to the 1950s-viewer that no two people are the same but a private company should certainly be able to support its employees. There was a bit of a back-and-forth. I have since blocked him so I can't remember or see all that was said, but he did suggest that 100% of a woman's "work" should be devoted to raising children. He somehow ended up suggesting that by supporting women who choose to work I was forcing "slavery on my own gender."

2019. Just recapping our current year.

(Please note, I fully support women who choose to care for children. I also consider that work. I just don't think the decision is any of this man's business).

I thought what he said was ridiculous! But still...

He tapped into my working-mom guilt and he unleashed just a small amount of that nasty guilt goo. Just a small amount manages to ooze into your head and your heart. Just a small amount creates the thought, "am I doing this right?" And even when on any other day, in any other moment,  your head and heart would loudly, aggressively answer that question, YES!, your guilt goo feeds your doubt. A small part of you is not sure.

So, yes, mom guilt is still a thing.

It shouldn't be. I know that. You know that. But sometimes we just don't believe it. It appears the guilt goo lingers in the heart longer than the head. It's okay. We don't need to apologize for feeling it. We just need to be better at snuffing it out faster.

I could write a blog about how silly and ridiculous this person is, but I am someone who feels things (everything) passionately. And I would be lying if I said everything just rolls off my back. I write this for those who are like me. It's okay to feel hurt. But do yourself a favor, next time you feel that guilt, be armed and ready to fire.

How many times throughout a day do you give yourself a mini pat on the back? I just managed to diffuse a sibling fight with one comment!: Rockstar. I just whipped up food that everyone ate: Mom Power. I looked good today: Hot Stuff. I wrote a great story: Word Wizard. I did something sciency or mathy (I'm limited in this department): Super Smart Lady.

Take those little moments and bank them. And when that guilt goo creeps in, dilute it with pride. And when your pride isn't doing the trick, find yourself some other women and let them shower you with support. Because once you get rid of that goo, you quickly see the good.



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